Waking Up to My Own Life

I fell asleep.

If you would have checked my vitals it would have seemed as though I fell into a coma. The body’s way of shutting down when overwhelmed by injury or trauma.

It’s what the mind and heart do as well. We fall asleep to all things not necessary for survival when hit with injury, pressure, trauma and the like. But the thing is, what’s necessary for survival is a lot less than what’s necessary for fully living.

And so I fell asleep. It didn’t happen all at once. I can trace back the gentle drifting to five years ago, eight years ago, ten years ago, fifteen years ago and some of it started back when I was a kid.

Just to be clear, being asleep to your own life does not mean that you do not love the Lord with all that is in you. On the contrary, the fact that I’m even writing this today is proof of Him leading me and healing me like only the Good Shepherd can do. So if you find yourself in a similar space, please know there is no condemnation and shame. Only love and freedom and grace.

This year has been a jolting waking from that sleep. What felt like blow upon blow upon blow, blew a Wind of change that kissed my cheeks and woke me up. The wind of His Spirit - filled with His kindness.

So now I’m waking up - perhaps you feel it too. Waking up to my own life. Learning what it looks like to show up for myself - not to quote pop psychology or anything. But, there is kingdom value in bringing our souls before the One and letting Him lead us into wholeness and fulness of Life. Living in honesty - with myself and the One who already knows and understands.

Some of this feels like tilling over the entire garden of your heart where the Gardener Himself has rolled up His sleeves and dug His hands in the dirt to pull out the weeds. It doesn’t look pretty. Quite frankly, it can be a muddy mess. But when He is the One doing it, we need to yield to His gentle hands.

Some of it might feel like being the caterpillar in the chrysalis - breaking down into a juicy soup before reforming into what it was always meant to be. But honestly, there’s nothing pretty about juicy soup either. And yet, the Creator of Beauty itself didn’t seem to think it necessary to create things without the mess. He does not seem fazed by it one bit.

He is not intimidated by time. Nor does He bow to it. So don’t be afraid of how long some things might take. Just be there with Him. Be present. Listen to His voice. Lean in closer to His heartbeat. There’s a reason the earth was created to move to rhythms and seasons instead of minutes and seconds. We came up with the latter - and it does serve its purpose. But the former is infinitely superior.

Rest in His rhythms of grace as He sings you awake. Forgive. Forgive yourself. Let Him sever the ties the lies tried to embed. Allow Him to come into all these spaces. The muddy, the ugly, the fulness of your humanity… because there is space at His table for all of it. He is the Perfect Comfort and Counsel. He is Wisdom. Where else will we go? He has the words of Life!

There’s a huge tree in my neighborhood. It’s blooming at the moment. Not to be cliche, but it’s Spring here, and when the wind blows, the fragrance from that tree drifts into every home. It is so fresh and sweet. So welcoming when you’re living in the city. As I took a walk, I breathed it in and with it a Breath that’s busy waking me. Can you imagine the fragrance released when we’re no longer sleep-walking?

It’s astounding how this Breath can be both a waking and an invitation to slowing down. As if the two things are connected. It has been said that it’s an upside down Kingdom, perhaps this is part of it. Waking up from the numbness of busyness.

Maybe this is what it means to wake: not rushing into life, but breathing deeply with the One who gives and sustains it.

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A few scriptures to help you wake up to the life He has for you:

Job 33:4

“The Spirit of God has made me; the breath of the Almighty gives me life.”

John 15:1–2

“I am the true vine, and my Father is the gardener. He cuts off every branch in me that bears no fruit, while every branch that does bear fruit he prunes so that it will be even more fruitful.”

Hosea 10:12

“Sow righteousness for yourselves, reap the fruit of unfailing love, and break up your unplowed ground; for it is time to seek the Lord, until he comes and showers his righteousness on you.”

Ecclesiastes 3:1

“There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under the heavens.”

John 10:10

“I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full.”

Psalm 16:11

“You make known to me the path of life; you will fill me with joy in your presence, with eternal pleasures at your right hand.”